


Fact #24

by Karumasa



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, The Avengers - Ambiguous Fandom
Genre: Dark Tony Stark, M/M, Not Beta Read, Violence, he's not quite as dark in this one, i guess, the rest of the avengers are mentioned in passing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-10
Updated: 2019-02-10
Packaged: 2019-10-25 09:10:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,091
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17722325
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Karumasa/pseuds/Karumasa
Summary: Fact #24: Starks never play the rules.And it was probably high time villains actually started remembering that.





	Fact #24

**Author's Note:**

> Sequel to [Make Your Demands](https://archiveofourown.org/works/17643872)   
> Though it could probably be read alone.

How the Avengers keep getting kidnapped is a mystery Tony may never figure out. Because for a group that’s supposedly humanity’s strongest they sure were idiots. Though, Tony muses gleefully, for being the most statistically likely to be singled out and captured, he was the one _not_ actually held captive this time around.

God bless Pepper and her ability to instill fear into all members of the Avengers. This is the one time Tony is actually glad to have been forced into attending those horrid board meetings.

Not that he would ever tell Pepper that _ever_. He doesn’t need to give her more ammunition against him. The suspicious look she gave him when he readily agreed to go was already bad enough.

But any excuse was a good excuse at this point to get out of the tower. It’s been three months (a record!) since the last kidnapping and tensions were still at an all time high. And yeah, sure, Tony probably — _definitely_ — could’ve broken them out using a less… messy method, but Tony has never been one to make the best impulse decisions.

Or so others have told Tony. Because he thought his ideas were brilliant.

(And is it truly impulse if he plans out at least 46.7%?)

So, tensions are high even three months later. The only ones not annoyingly tiptoeing around him are the newly returned Thor, his Brucie Bear, and the Winter Soldier.

Logically, Thor was kind of a given in Tony’s mind. If anyone had a problem with the death of a couple dozen bad guys, then it wasn’t going to him. The god did come from a warrior culture after all.

Bruce…. Well Bruce looked like he wanted to run for the deepest, darkest hole and never come out. So it took a long conversation explaining the being kidnapped so often and being the world’s number one weapon’s designer meant Tony had picked up a few tricks of his own. It took a few weeks but eventually Bruce came around.

And Winter never had a problem with it. He even said, one night after nightmares had refused to let either of them sleep, that Tony being able to take care of himself even a little without the suit was a relief. That was also the night he asked to be called James, stating that, while he didn’t mind being the Winter Soldier, he liked the idea of Tony calling him by his actual name.

Tony had been _so_ proud of how far James had come in that moment; of how much he was starting to come back into himself the longer he was out of Hydra’s grasp. It had called for celebration. And there are few things better, in Tony’s oh so humble opinion, than celebration blow jobs.

(The french toast they had the next morning was a close second. Tony didn’t know exactly what berries James had put in the syrup that was on top, but Tony would destroy anyone who tried to take it from him.)

Which meant that there were a few people in his dark little corner. Even if he’s pretty sure the spies are only being this cautious because there was no note of this anywhere in his file. Not even the paper one he had found and promptly stole.

The building they were held in “randomly” blowing up a few days later probably didn’t help Tony’s sanity case even if it technically wasn’t his doing. No, really. He didn’t do it.

But, being underestimated has always worked in Tony’s favor. And it continues to when he gets the ransom call.

Him, alone, no Iron Man suit, with weapon schematics. If the demands are met, the captive Avengers will be let go without hassle.

…

…

Tony sighed. First thing people should always learn about a Stark: they never play by the rules.

“Hey, Tasty Freeze. Wanna go on an adventure?”

 

* * *

 

The entire way to the villain’s hideout, Tony did nothing but complain.

“—ust stupid though! Sure I don’t expect all villains to be genius level, but I do expect at least a little bit of common sense! Who the fuck decided to give me, the guy with the most technologically tower in the world, a two day time limit for a ransom?! And who in the hell decided to not check any gear for trackers?” Tony squirmed in agitation from where he was sitting, driving to a more abandoned area of New York. “It’s like we’re playing hide and seek with a group of five year olds.”

James snorted from the passenger seat.

“I’m pretty sure five year olds could hide better than this, котёночек.”

Tony just grumbled under his breath and glared out the windshield. A hand on his shoulder as he parked in some shady parking ramp made him look over to James’ oddly serious face.

“When I find the boss first, I’ll make sure he’s still alive for you just in case you wanna get a good hit in.”

James was already out of the vehicle and opening the trunk by the time what he said computed in Tony’s brain.

“When!?” Throwing open the door, Tony scrambled to the back and quickly threw a pair of hand guns in the holsters under his suit jacket. “If you think you’re finding him first you got another thing coming, Winter Solstice.”

Blue eyes filled with amusement caught fiery brown, a predatory smile covered by a black muzzle.

“Then try and keep up, котёночек.”

 

* * *

 

Slamming open the door at the end of the hall brought Tony face to face with a nervous looking man and behind him were five very unconscious and chained Avengers. Tony smirks as he steps into the room. “Well, well. And who might you be?”

The man went for his gun, but Tony was faster, shooting the hand before it even reached the man’s hip.

“That’s rude you know,” Tony chastised. “When asked a question, the polite thing to do is answer.”

Tony just got a patronizing sneer in return. “A little hypocritical don’t you think, Dr. Stark.”

Pouting, Tony stepped closer to the other man. “ _Of course_ it’s a bad guy that remembers I have doctorates. Why am I not surprised?”

“How could we forget? It makes plans like these very hard to orchestrate. We have to get the rules just right.”

A glint of metal out a window catches Tony’s eye. He smirks. “You mean rules like ‘come alone?’ Because I must say, that’s very unoriginal. Not to mention,” Tony leans in close to the man’s ear, “I don’t like to follow the rules.”

Backing away and waving towards the window had the man’s noise of confusion muffled by the shattering of glass. Seconds later the man was nothing more than another cooling body on the ground, a bullet hole placed neatly in the side of his head.

Tony’s voice was petulant as he spoke into the quiet room. “I never had a chance, did I?”

A deep chuckle came through the earpiece Tony was wearing. “Sorry, котёночек. The determination was cute though.”

_“It was cute though,”_ Tony mocked, stomping over to unchain the still unconscious Avengers. “This is what I get for having a master assassin as a boyfriend.” Angerly untangling the chains, he continued grumbling. “If the murder strut and that arm weren’t so damn lovely to look at I wouldn’t put up with this shit.”

“You mean you’re only keeping me around for my looks? I’m hurt, котёночек.”

Tony swore at some of the more stubbornly tangled chains. “I have the feeling you’ll get over it, Frosted Flake.”

There was grumbling from Steve just as Tony managed to release the last Avenger, Thor and Bruce not too far behind the super soldier in waking. Tony threw his hands up in the air.

“Fucking finally!! There was no way I was carrying these heavy assholes myself.”

“We’ve only been here 15 minutes.”

Tapping his foot as he looked out the now broken window, waiting for the three to wake up enough to walk. “So?”

Chuckling was the only response Tony received.

A groaned, “Where am I?” tore Tony’s gaze from where he watching a black dot leave one of the nearby rooftops.

“Kidnapped and being stored in an abandoned factory like this is a B rate movie.”

Steve’s head snapped up at the word kidnapped. “Kidnapped?” The super soldier took a cursory look around the room, eyes settling on the dead man near the door. “Did you…?”

Tony shook his head. “Him? Wasn’t me. I had a helper this time around. Now the others,” He waved towards the open door, “The others were my doing.”

He watched as the super soldier nodded, still looking a little drugged. Finally, he seemed to realize the other Avengers were in the room, Thor and Bruce looking awake but just as dazed as the dear Captain. Getting to his feet, he came to stand next to Tony. “No injuries?”

“Besides my pride? No.”

Hearing Steve’s confused grunt, Tony decided to elaborate.

“They make this shit so easy, Steve.” Tony gestured wildly to the dead man. “He even gave me rules and expected me to actually follow them! What kind of dumbass does that!?”

The super soldier laughed quietly as a groan from Clint echoed through the room. The twitching of Natasha’s fingers belying her sleeping state.

Clapping his hands together, Tony ignored everyone’s flinch at the loud sound. “Now that everyone’s awake, we can finally get out of this terrible, terrible place that’s pretending to be an evil hideout.”

Tony didn’t wait for a response. He just started ushering the lethargic group out the door. Paying no heed to Thor’s praises about being a warrior among humans because of the amount of bodies they were passing, he guided everyone through the maze of halls and floors until they reached outside.

Once in the sunlight, Tony let everyone pause once he saw how much the bright light seemed to hurt them. As he let them get at least a little more adjusted, he checked over his suit jacket in the sunlight, seeing no holes but a lot of scuff marks. Twisting his shoulders and bad made Tony grimace.

He was going to be so bruised come tomorrow morning.

His grimace must’ve caught Steve’s attention because the next thing he knew was that the blonde man hovering. Tony spotted him looking over the dirty and rough looking suit jacket.

“I thought you said you weren’t hurt, Tony.”

Tony rolled his eyes at the Captain’s disappointed tone. “I’m not.” He lifted a corner of his jacket for Steve to feel. “It’s bullet proof. The worst I’m going to have is some bruising and soreness.”

The man played with the suit jacket for a while longer before letting it go with a nod.

Tony sighed. Official reprimand avoided even if that was worrying.

“Alright, let’s all get this show on the road. This way to the car my little ducklings.”

He ushered them once more in the right direction, ignoring just how calm and quiet everyone was being. Steve seemed the most aware, but even he was more docile. Normal Steve would’ve told Tony to be more careful, bulletproof jacket or not.

So, to say he was happy to see the SUV right where he had parked it was an understatement. The faster they got back to the tower, the faster he could see what was wrong and if it would either pass or an antidote was needed.

There was a blue sticky note on the steering wheel, neat Russian written on it.

_'See you back home,_ _котёночек.’_

Tony smiled the entire way back to the tower even with the worry niggling in the back of his mind.

 

* * *

 

Four days later when the drugs had naturally filtered out of everyone’s bodies, Tony gathered them all on the common floor. Only once they were all settled did he give them a sharp smile.

“So, how _was_ that the new diner?”

The uncomfortable looks on all the Avengers faces – including Natasha’s which was a first – filled Tony with a sense of glee. He knew the kidnapping would never truly stop, especially for him, but maybe, just maybe, he’s be able to curb it a bit. He had a few tricks up his sleeve that he was willing to share.

And if a couple days later a diner mysteriously closed down due to the owner and staff having all gone missing…… Well, this _is_ New York. Stuff like that happens all the time.

**Author's Note:**

> i just ate a bunch of сырники, some spicy korean ramen, and drank the better part of a bottle of wine  
> so this probably isn't my best but i also all i want is to sleep right now
> 
> [tumblr](http://karumasa.tumblr.com)


End file.
